I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
