You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
