I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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