listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
