He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
