I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize