Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
