They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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