So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
