Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
