I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
