We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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