He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
