please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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