Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
