so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
