is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
