While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
