I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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