before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
