if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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