Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
