I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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