You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
