You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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