first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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