you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
