Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize