you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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