He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
