I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
