R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
