I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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