I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
