you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
