Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
