You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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