Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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