PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
