I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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