morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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