my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
