there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
