PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
