I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I die, sorry about rent.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
