One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
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