i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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