The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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