dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
