The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize