I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
