She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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