her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
