Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
