My room smells like vodka and shame
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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