Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
