so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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