Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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