so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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