i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize