So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
