i think my tv is drunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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