i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
