Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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