i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
