I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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