Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
