There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
