dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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