I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
