I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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