question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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