A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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