So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
