I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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