and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
