I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
