Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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