My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
