i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
