Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
