Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
