i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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