ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize