i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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