she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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