He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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