Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
