dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
